I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
