like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
