Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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