Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
operation have a gay friend backfired
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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