if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
