Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
