He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
we should paint friendship bongs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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