Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i think i just lost a toe
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
