Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize