to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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