I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize