So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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