She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.