Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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