so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize