Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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