No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
