I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
