And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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