i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
