First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
