the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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