Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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