she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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