I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
