They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
