It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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