Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
