just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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