Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
