I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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