I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
