If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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