Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i now understand why vodka
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
