Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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