Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
