I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
