i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
