she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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