im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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