1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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