when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
