I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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