New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
