Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
