Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
