he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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