Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
