i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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