I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
