He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she smelled like a LAN party
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The air taste purple.
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