Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We smell like vodka and hangover
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
