Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
