Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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