I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
