they need to just BURY HIM!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
