So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
