The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I FOUND THE LEGS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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