I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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