You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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