I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
