YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
