this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
